Death lines

Vault Dweller · May 10, 2007

A talented member of this fine site has kindly offered us his time and skillz:

The <profession> slumps to the ground, dead. That's one less parasite on humanity.

The blow knocks the <profession> to the ground. His body sprawls at an unnatural angle. He's dead.

The last wallop knocks the <profession> down, sending him into the hereafter.

The <profession> dies, his face twisted in hate. He won't be missed.

Death finds us all in the end. For the <profession>, that end was sooner rather than later.

Before his eyes flashes the <profession>'s life, nasty, brutish, and short.

The <profession> dies, a mixture of surprise and disbelief on his face.

The <profession> fails to block and gets a tombstone for his trouble.

A quick strike, and the <profession> meets his end.

Your blow nearly cleaves the <profession>'s head from his body. So much for getting ahead.

A well-aimed strike aims true, and the <profession> breathes his last.

PC Death:

You're dead. No way around it. Well, I hope you've learned something from this.

Ah, such an ignoble end, to be cut down in your prime like a dog in an alley. Better luck next life.

Dead? What do you mean, you're dead? What a revolting development.

Your life ends here. I'd shed a tear, but I'm off for some beer. Cheers!

You're dead. So much wasted potential. You know, you really could have made something of yourself.

....

Some of my lines:

The <profession> receives a lethal dose of damage points and dies.

You send the <profession> on a one way trip to the underworld.

The <profession> dies. Another notch on your belt.

The <profession> dies. The assisted suicide program claims another victim.

The <profession> dies. Hopefully his makers will be overjoyed to see him back so soon.

The <profession> dies. This town was getting too crowded anyway.

The <professon> dies heroically. There is no better fate for a warrior. I guess he owes you one now.

PC death:

You die. I know it wasn't supposed to happen. Hey, man, it's not my fault you can't fight your way out of a wet paper bag.
...
So, criticize, comment, post your own stuff, etc. The usual.

Fryjar · May 10, 2007

Regarding the death descriptions:
Well, in general I think that your lines are superior, because many of his ones break the immersion. It is imho acceptable to some degree if you die yourself, but especially when you kill Npcs, this should be avoided.

There are some good lines nevertheless, like:

The last wallop knocks the <profession> down, sending him into the hereafter.

The blow knocks the <profession> to the ground. His body sprawls at an unnatural angle. He's dead.

The <profession> dies, a mixture of surprise and disbelief on his face.

A quick strike, and the <profession> meets his end.

Your blow nearly cleaves the <profession>'s head from his body. So much for getting ahead.

A well-aimed strike aims true, and the <profession> breathes his last.

You're dead. No way around it. Well, I hope you've learned something from this.

The ones which I dont like to see ingame:

The <profession> slumps to the ground, dead. That's one less parasite on humanity.

Death finds us all in the end. For the <profession>, that end was sooner rather than later.

Before his eyes flashes the <profession>'s life, nasty, brutish, and short.

Ah, such an ignoble end, to be cut down in your prime like a dog in an alley. Better luck next life.

Dead? What do you mean, you're dead? What a revolting development.

Your life ends here. I'd shed a tear, but I'm off for some beer. Cheers!

You're dead. So much wasted potential. You know, you really could have made something of yourself.

[/quote]

Kingston · May 10, 2007

I think the death descriptions could still use some meat. I want some brutal descriptions. I want to know their bones cackle as they brake, how their flesh rps open etc. Once you have some gory details, your imagination will put the rest together for you.

e.g.

"You slash your serrated blade at the tower guard. He lurches backwards awkwardly, an expression of bewilderment spreading across his face as he tries to keep his insides from escaping out of his open belly.

You kick the guard with considerable force. He collapses to the floor and splits his head on the corner of a table, sending a spray of blood flying across the room. He struggles on the floor for a moment, gurgling blood. He suddendly slumps, and ceases to move."

I don't want the immersion being broken every single time I hit someone. It can be done appropriately, but having it happen all the time is rather an annoyance.

Overall it looks rather good, and I do like the swords.

Alfgart · May 10, 2007

His death descriptions are better. Your lines sound too 'Unreal Tournament'-ish.

The weapons descriptions are ok.

psycojester · May 10, 2007

Your blow nearly cleaves the <profession>'s head from his body. So much for getting ahead.

Where I come from we have a word for this kind of thing and that word is No.

Fez · May 10, 2007

I notice a lot of the descriptions use "his". Have you made sure that these won't be used with female characters? For monsters, especially something like a gargoyle, it'd probably make sense for it to be called "it". Unless there is a monster sex ID perk.

Starwars · May 10, 2007

Where I come from we have a word for this kind of thing and that word is No.

Indeed, and that joke was done in a much more fun way in Monty Pythons Flying Circus anyways (Attila the Hun show) already.

I also agree with Kingston here. While it's not a bad idea to have some 'jokey' descriptions there, it'd be nice to have some really descriptive ones as well depending on how you kill someone.

This is my first post in the AoD forum, so cheers to you people for making this game. Definetely on the top of my 'want to play' list.

Fryjar · May 10, 2007

Generally speaking, I'd suggest to focus more on the descriptive elements of the circumstances of the kill, rather than to comment on it .

Vault Dweller · May 10, 2007

cardtrick said:
As an addendum, here's a quick example of what I might like to see for the gladius:

As short as the average man's forearm, the double-edged steel blade of this sword projects from an ornate bronze hilt. A versatile weapon designed for thrusting and slashing in close quarters, the gladius is favored by the Imperial Guard and makes a common sight throughout the remnants of the empire.

That's actually pretty good. Care to do more? Here is the concept art:
http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/2534 ... ouprc5.jpg

Vault Dweller · May 10, 2007

Fryjar said:
Generally speaking, I'd suggest to focus more on the descriptive elements of the circumstances of the kill, rather than commenting on it too much.

Give me a rough idea.

Vault Dweller · May 10, 2007

Fez said:
I notice a lot of the descriptions use "his". Have you made sure that these won't be used with female characters?

Ideally, it would be nice to avoid using his/her, but if it's impossible we can use male/female lines.

For monsters, especially something like a gargoyle, it'd probably make sense for it to be called "it". Unless there is a monster sex ID perk.

We don't really have monsters. The closest is something like this (from another thread):

There is a stone statue of a demon reading a book. The demon is carved with great precision, and his pose reflects deep thoughts and tranquility. As you approach, the statue closes the book in one fluid motion and looks at you with amusement:

I do believe we have a visitor. Unfortunately, it appears that we are closed at the moment, and I've been instructed to dispose of all visitors. Therefore, we have a dilemma.

Dispose?

Kill. Destroy. Murder. Do you have any preferences in the matter? If there is some sort of death you would enjoy more, feel free to share that with me. Being an expert in killing, I'm sure I'm familiar with most methods and would be more than happy to accomodate your request.

An expert in killing?

Not very bright, are you? * the guardian draws two blades out of nowhere with an alarming speed*

1. * trying hard to ignore the blades* You mentioned a dilemma...
2. * draws a weapon* For an expert in killing, you sure like to talk a lot.
3. * run
4. What are you?

What are you?"

Since it's unlikely that you can understand the concept of silicon-based lifeform, call me "stone guardian". I was created by the masters of this tower, who appear to be long gone. Such is the nature of flesh - it doesn't last. Stone, on the other hand, lasts forever. A gift and a curse at the same time, really.

You are very intelligent for a stone creature.

I'm very intelligent for any creature, human, and I doubt that you have the capacity to estimate my intelligence.

Fryjar · May 10, 2007

@VD: Well, Kingston gave more or less an example of what I meant. Obviously a little bit toned down, though.
His examples didn't include an active , evaluating narrator, but rather a passive observer.

Section8 · May 10, 2007

Re: Items descriptions and death lines

Vault Dweller said:
The <profession> slumps to the ground, dead. That's one less parasite feeding on humanity.

Sentence needs verb badly.

The blow knocks the <profession> to the ground. His body sprawls at an unnatural angle, dead.

Just better copy.

The <profession> dies, his face twisted in hate. He won't be missed.

But what if he will? Won't his fellow <profession>s care?

Flashing before his eyes is the life of the <profession> - nasty, brutish, and short.

This one is still a bit awkward. With a complete rephrasing - "The <profession>'s past flashes before his eyes - a nasty, brutish and ultimately short life."

Your blow nearly cleaves the <profession>'s head from his body. So much for getting ahead.

No. Just no.

You're dead. No way around it. Well, I hope you've learned something from this.

Too metagamish. How about "If there's something to be learned from this experience, it's going to have to wait until next life."

Your life ends here. I'd shed a tear, but I'm off for some beer. Cheers!

Who is shedding the tears? I know it's supposed to be a cute throwaway line, but it shifts the "narrative" from an impersonal third person to an actual character.

The <profession> receives a lethal dose of damage points and dies.

Maybe as a 1% chance or something. It's cute as a self-satirising rarity, but I wouldn't want it to be commonplace.

You die. I know it wasn't supposed to happen. If only you could fight your way out of a wet paper bag.

Again with too much personification in the narrative.

I'd be happy to suggest a few of my own, but first - sleep.

Claw · May 10, 2007

Re: Items descriptions and death lines

Overall, I like the lot. I just have some minor nitpicks:

The blow knocks the <profession> to the ground. His body sprawls at an unnatural angle. He's dead.

Death finds us all in the end. For the <profession>, that end was sooner rather than later.

Before his eyes flashes the <profession>'s life, nasty, brutish, and short.

A well-aimed strike aims true, and the <profession> breathes his last.

I'm not a native English speaker, but all of those strike me as a little off. Shouldn't it be angles in the first? Might the second sound better with "this" instead of "the"? Wouldn't the third sound better "The <profession>'s life flashed before his eyes" and lastly is "aims true" a valid expression? I'd suggest "A well-aimed attack strikes true" instead.

Your blow nearly cleaves the <profession>'s head from his body. So much for getting ahead.

Dead? What do you mean, you're dead? What a revolting development.

You die. I know it wasn't supposed to happen. Hey, man, it's not my fault you can't fight your way out of a wet paper bag.

These remind me of Space Quest, and that's never wrong. I mean, it's always wrong. In a good way.

The <profession> receives a lethal dose of damage points and dies.

Vault Dweller critically breaks the fourth wall for 371 hitpoints. The fourth wall collapses.

Alfgart said:
His death descriptions are better. Your lines sound too 'Unreal Tournament'-ish.

Not really. UT death descriptons are more descriptive, especially since they're weapon-specific, and generally contain the names of the killer and killed. I'm not sure if the latter would ever be relevant in AoD.

That's more like UT:

"The <profession> tastes your sword's steel. It looks like he's had his fill."
"Your liquid fire was a little too hot for the <profession>'s taste."
"You skewer the <profession> with your gladius."

Btw, they're suggestions if you like them. Otherwise, I am just making a point of minor (if any) relevance.
They do sound a little lame, even to me. Meh.

Spazmo · May 10, 2007

Most of these have a kind of... I don't know... editorial slant to them, as if the character doing the killing was some kind of badass, wisecracking, toothpick chewing John Matrix type. Fallout's (which, I'm guessing, are the model for yours) were somewhat more factual, even though they had some style.

I also really don't much like the PC death ones with the game mocking you. Again, in Fallout, you were just told that you died, you failed, your people died, and your bones were picked clean by the wildlife. It's factual, to the point, and still sort of slaps the player.

Vault Dweller · May 10, 2007

@ Spazmo & Section8: Would really like to see your ideas. Both of you have excellent, very distinctive styles.

Mr Happy · May 10, 2007

So, I take it lethality is an option in combat?

And if non-lethal options are still availabe, will there be something like "The <profession> is down, but not out....yet LOlololol"?

About the death lines, like its been said, I would like to see more description. Commentary can be fine too, but some of the lines up there make it seem less "factual", a bit like there is some guy making jokes on the side. The use of first person highlights this:

You're dead. No way around it. Well, I hope you've learned something from this.

Your life ends here. I'd shed a tear, but I'm off for some beer. Cheers!

Seboss · May 11, 2007

I think that the adventure mode of Dwarf Fortress have deliciously gruesome wound/death descriptions.
It could be a source of inspiration.

I don't have it installed right here so I cannot give any real examples. Might post some later.

Roqua · May 11, 2007

I like it. Reminds me of the humor used in Quest for Glory, and I used to try and die in diferent ways to see what it would say. But thats back when I couldn't really afford new games so I used to play the shit out of the ones I had.

DenialofSelf · May 11, 2007

Vault Dweller said:
Fryjar said:

Generally speaking, I'd suggest to focus more on the descriptive elements of the circumstances of the kill, rather than commenting on it too much.

Click to expand...

Give me a rough idea.

I know this wasn't directed at me, but i'm opening my trap anyway.

" Crimson spray speckles your face, as the <profession> tumbles awkwardly backwards; the stillness that follows is the welcome sound of victory. "

" The <profession>'s eyes roll back before you have readied another strike, lifeless he/she collapses at your feet "

" The impact of your weapon splinters the <profession>'s skull with an audible crack. "

" As quickly as it started, it's finished. You stand triumphant over the fallen, wiping a sheen of gore from your weapon "

" Violence is a means to an end. Namely his. "

" With a skillfull strike, your weapon catches your assailant directly in the thoat. The familiar gurgle of blood filled lungs rises from his body "

" A sickening crunch echoes in your ears and travels up your arm, as a you plant a cunning final strike between your foe's eyes. "

kingcomrade · May 11, 2007

Sorry, denial, those are bad. You're trying too much to have snarky little narratives. Try and remember what this is for and make them more appropriate, if you do a lot of killing you don't want to see little stories because they're too specific. Too many adjectives. You rely a bit on clichÃ©s, as well. Audible crack, sickening crunch, stuff like that, you make baby Orwell cry.

@VD:
First of all you might want to find someone who speaks English properly. Some of those are okay but a lot of them seem like the type of death notifications you would get in a corny online FPS.
[h4x'x0r]t3`hpwn`z0r got a taste of kingcomrade's shaft

I would suggest a simple factual style rather than a cutesy one. Variations on "NPC falls over" + "NPC bleeds". The stuff in brackets is just a suggestion. I don't think these are good enough for use but as an illustration of what I mean.

NPC is cut apart
NPC clutches his throat and falls to his knees [, gargling] as his life runs/hemorrhages from his body
NPC follows his guts to the ground
NPC goes slack and collapses [like a sack of potatoes]
NPC has gone to a better place (this is one clichÃ© that I like)

I'm putting NPC first in all of them because I think it's just better to be consistent, a player is going to expect things to be in the same order. I can understand if you disagree.

It's harder to think of these for a fantasy game. There are so many graphic ways to die when it comes to guns and explosives, but whe it comes to hand weapons you are basically either going to be stabbed and gargle on your own blood or have something hacked off and spurt like a penis. Yes:
NPC's throat spurts like multi headed dicks hitting ass and leg, oh god its heaven

edit- I also like your idea of not describing it at all, but simply commenting on the death. A mix of both would be healthy.

DenialofSelf · May 11, 2007

Well the one guy above said focus on the more descriptive elements of the kill, so I tried to be descriptive. I guess i didn't see these as battle spam, and more the climaxes of an entire combat, aimed at being somewhat immersive.

abstract · May 11, 2007

The <profession> IS DEAD. GAME OVER MAN!

har har har

Vault Dweller · May 11, 2007

Ok, so what do we have so far in terms of guidelines:

- more descriptive
- less commenting
- less personification in the narrative
- less editorial slant, more factual
- less mocking

Overall, descriptive and factual seem to be the most popular guidelines.

Admiral Rimjob POOBUM · May 11, 2007

NPC's throat spurts like multi headed dicks hitting ass and leg, oh god its heaven

Make this a 1 in 1000 chance or something.

Death lines

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