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Oblivion -- The Orrery: an epitome of shitty design

  • Thread starter User was nabbed fit
  • Start date

User was nabbed fit

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First of all, no, no, no, no, no, I didn't buy it, but someone else did, and I've tried it out... fuck me if I'll ever pay Bethesda for their two-bit pieces of crap that they call "mods".

In fact, this mod blew so much (even more so than horse armor, because this was anticlimactic; I expected more from it (poor me) -- where as I knew in advance that Horse Armor would love the cock), that I can't even be pissed to describe it, so here's someone else's take, which I've tidied up a bit:

Thats it. I've had it with Bethesda and their crappy "official" mods. I'm never getting another one again. Even though it was almost nothing, it was still not worth it at all. This mod is so bad, so unpolished, it doesn't even deserve to be called official. The damn thing was over before it even started, too.

The mod debuts in the same way that the last one did. You, for some reason, find a piece of paper lying on the ground, that explains what the quest is about. I was in a realm of Oblivion when I found this piece of paper. Wow, how realistic. I guess that someone from the Mages Guild went to this realm and accidently droped their note before they were about to take a Sigil stone out of its socket, to close the gate. Oookay... whatever. Maybe someone purposely left the note for me, there in front of the Sigil stone, in the realm, knowing that I would go there and pick it up. Talk about immersion!

There is no actual piece of paper that you find, either. It's just a message in the middle of the screen telling you about this stupid quest. I thought to myself, maybe it is a "Mission Impossible" type thing, you know, the ones that self-destruct after 10 seconds? Meh... it didn't really matter THAT much to me. Why the hell didn't the quest giver just give me the paper the next time he saw me? Why did he have to look into his crystal ball, find out where I was going to be, then strategically place the note in a place I would find it immediately? So, as soon as I click "OK", the quest starts right there on the spot. I didn't even agree to do the quest. WTF? What if I don't want to help this nerd repair his stupid "Orrery"? These are all questions I would ask myself during this lame quest. Now apparantly, some bandits stole parts off of his machine, ran to the other side of the world, and are just hanging out with each other. Why exactly would anyone do this? What makes these parts, which have a value of 5 gold each, so desirable to some bandits in the forest? I don't think anyone knows.

The quest conviently places 5 markers on your map, so you know exactly where the bandits are. If the quest guy knew this, he should have just gone out to get the damn parts himself! So much for being a powerful wizard who can harness the power of the moon. So I just fast travel to the three bandit camps kill the bandits to get their machine parts, and glass armor with crappy bonuses to sell. Finished 90% of the quest in 5 minutes. So now it says I have all of the parts. It now puts a map marker on my map to go to the Arcane University. Apparantly, that is where this note came from. My guy must be a lucky guesser of where to go, because it didn't say anything about the Arcane University in my note.

I fast travel to the Arcane University, I walk in, and then my compass marker tells me to talk to a wood elf sitting on a bench. Another lucky guess! Good thing I put those extra points into luck... it really paid off. The Wood elf says "Thanks, you got me everything I needed. Here is your reward." Strange. I remember hearing this exact same line somewhere. OH! That's right! A Fighters Guild quest NPC said the exact same thing when I gave her 5 ectoplasms. Hey, wait a minute, where the hell is my reward? GET BACK HERE, STUPID CUNT! She walks into a locked door in the University, completely forgetting to give me my reward. WTF? By this time, I am royally pissed. The compass marker says to go through the locked door, but I can't get in! I try talking to some of the other mages in the guild, but they don't say a thing about it. Then I remember about my journal. It says that I have to wait a day for her to fix her machine. WOW, THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW ABOUT THAT IN ADVANCE! I wait for 24 hours, and then a message comes up on my screen saying that the Orrery is fixed, and that I can get a new power based on the phase of the moon, as often as I like. Ohhhh! So that's what it does? Another lucky guess, I suppose? So THAT is my reward! Oh well, maybe this whole thing won't be so bad if my reward was cool. So anyway... I walk into the Orrery door. There's this huge machine in the middle of the room. Cool... maybe they *forgot* to add this into the vanilla version of the game? I walk up a set of metal stairs, and talk to the quest giver who's standing next to some sort of console. I talk to the woman again, and she has no chat option about the quest. Maybe she forgot about it? Or maybe Bethesda didn't want to pay another voice actor to give her a unique line. Nice one. So I activate the console, and the machine starts spining around. Nice! A cutscene. It spins around for about 5 minutes, and I am wondering, wow, what a boring cutscene this is! It actually wasn't a cutscene. I can move around. LOL. I activate the console again, and it says at the top of the screen that I earned a new power. I zxcitedly open my spell menu to check it out right away! But to my disappointment, the power was crap. Once a day, I can increase my Personality (the most useless stat in the game) by 10 points for 60 seconds, but at the same decrease my luck by 20 for 60 seconds. Wow, this does absolutely NOTHING for me, but it only hurts me by a lot! I could have made a stupid "Fortify Personality by 10" spell for about 50 gold, costing about 20 magicka. How disappointing.

A message said that my quest is now over, called me a chump, and thanked me for support of the Bethesda Corporation. Okay, just kidding, that never happened, but that was the way I felt after completing this "mod". Basically, my advice to you is NOT to pay for this shit. Just spend your $2 on chocolate bars. There is a special for any five chocolate bars for $2 at my local 7-11. I feel utterly disappointed right now, since I would be much happier with those chocolate bars right now, than with my horrible, poor quality, no-effort, 10 minute quest.

And now, experience the whole mod without having to pay for it:

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y260/F ... Shot60.jpg

Milk those idiots, Beth! Milk! Milk! Milk! I've concluded that they (those who buy these mods thinking that they're spectacular) fucking deserve it, after all. Now that I'm done congratulating you, I must, however, say "fuck you" for your shitty pay-2-play content; at least make something that can actually do justice to the tools that you have access to (and that the amateur mod community doesn't)...
 

Zufuriin

Scholar
Joined
Aug 4, 2005
Messages
110
I think many people saw this coming. It would be silly to hope for something of excellent quality.
 

Evilhyde

Novice
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
32
I didn't expect much from this mod, but I did expect it to be polished since it is official and it's payed for. I figured, a basic little quest about the Orrery and why it has be sabotaged, and a lead on the bandits who did it, maybe to a little cave. Then back for some eye candy.. no big deal.

They never explain what's going on. No lore about what the Orrery is, or why it's broken, or who the bandits are... nothing. If it had the slightest bit of meat to it, I wouldn't be complaining. As it is, even the simpliest of quests in the default game are super complex by comparison, and that's saying a lot. I mean I got a basic 'go kill this necromancer come back for reward' quest in the game that at least told you why you were doing it.

I really don't know who this was aimed at. There isn't any story for roleplayers, and the actual quest reward sucks for powergamers.
 

DarkUnderlord

Professional Throne Sitter
Staff Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2002
Messages
28,357
Evilhyde said:
I really don't know who this was aimed at.
That one's easy. Bethesda are seeing how low they can go in terms of content yet still have a legion of suckers paying for it.
 

HardCode

Erudite
Joined
Aug 23, 2005
Messages
1,138
I know that a sucker is born every minute, but why oh why do fools keep giving money to Bethesda?
 

VenomByte

Scholar
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
271
There is a thread in the Oblivion Mods section of TES forums linking to an illegal shared copy of the Orrery mod.

Amazingly, it has been up for two hours so far and not locked.

It takes the piss that I can find an illegal download thread on the official forums, download & install the mod, complete it seeing all it has to offer, quit, and spend a further hour or so idly browsing the net all before any moderator has locked it.
 

LlamaGod

Cipher
Joined
Oct 21, 2004
Messages
3,095
Location
Yes
I wonder how shitty Bethesda's D&D games must have been before they did CRPGs.
 

Data4

Arcane
Joined
Sep 11, 2005
Messages
5,531
Location
Over there.
VenomByte said:
There is a thread in the Oblivion Mods section of TES forums linking to an illegal shared copy of the Orrery mod.

Amazingly, it has been up for two hours so far and not locked.

It takes the piss that I can find an illegal download thread on the official forums, download & install the mod, complete it seeing all it has to offer, quit, and spend a further hour or so idly browsing the net all before any moderator has locked it.

For still being up after all this time, that thread is probably the funniest thing I've ever seen on the forum (besides whitemithrandir's 1984-inspired story).

I can't wait to see how this pans out.

EDIT: And.... at approximately 5:47 AM Pacific time, the thread go boom. 24 pages long, with a reported 650+ downloads. That's priceless.

EDIT2: Holy shit! Another thread going at 10 pages already. God damn, but this is some entertainment!

-D4
 

VenomByte

Scholar
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
271
The second thread is now gone. Looks like the mods have finally woken up.

By my estimate, that's about 4 hours or so that ripped copies of the official DLC were available for free on the official forums.

:D
 

LlamaGod

Cipher
Joined
Oct 21, 2004
Messages
3,095
Location
Yes
OverrideB1 said:
Zufuriin said:
I think many people saw this coming. It would be silly to hope for something of excellent quality.

You only have to look at the crap that was Firemoth to know that "modding excellence" and "Bethesda" are mutually exclusive terms


I think the salt in the wound here is that you have to pay money for stuff as impactful as Firemoth and the admantium armor mod and the swamp sound effects mod.
 

OverrideB1

Scholar
Joined
Oct 15, 2005
Messages
443
Location
The other side of the mirror
Yeah, having to actually pay for crap like that... really fucking sucks.

But this is obviously Bethesda's new business model: turn out shitty games with a crippled CS, deluding all of your customers into thinking that they're getting the right tools to fix any (ahem) slight gameplay problems, and charging them for pay-for-play content that reeks of mediocracy (and that's being really polite about the quality) and which was ripped out of the game in the first place.

While I don't lay all of the faults with TESIV at the feet of M$ and their new and improved XBrick 360 -- Bethesda have to take the lion's share of the blame for being totally cack-handed developing the game -- I DO blame M$ for the diabolical pay-for-content rip-off that's being foisted on gamers.

Mind you, both M$ and Bethesda are on a winner here -- as long as there are fuckwads who keep buying the game despite its many faults and who keep on forking over $2 for low-quality, puerile mods in the hope of actually getting something worth their two bucks instead of telling Bethesda where to shove them
 

Drakron

Arcane
Joined
May 19, 2005
Messages
6,326
You are pretty much paying for a animated mesh ... its a nice animation but beyond that.

As said the powers are absolute shit, you get to fortify a attribute by the same exact amount you weaken another one ... were the fuck they got that as being "game balance"? Its from the same idiot that is proud of his "game balance" that the large majority of the players seens dead against?

Bethsoft "pay plugins" are amusing as well, they hit P2P networks about 1 day after being released and its actually a good idea to download then because Bethsoft decided for a installer that does not work on 64-bit editions of windows, it seens their $2 plugins have tighter "anti-piracy" messures that the game itself.
 

Nog Robbin

Scholar
Joined
Jan 24, 2006
Messages
392
Location
UK
Hmm - I'm sure it mentioned something about "different powers"? Maybe the shitty personality increase and luck decrease is just one of a batch of mediocre "powers" to be inflicted on the poor sap that purchased the orrery? Though I'm sure there was speculation about one of the powers being lycanthropy? Probably hype on a game site and nothing actually in content at all. Such is the way to sell things. If it *did* add a decent implementation of lycanthropy then it may well have been worth the $2. For a shitty quest - and that really does sound the ultimate in shitty quests with no back story, no reason, no immersion and no reward - and access to a room that by all accounts should have been in the game from the start... well - that sucks. Not a good way to keep fans.

Then again, I have read some threads on the official forum saying how good the horse armour is. Meh.
 

Drakron

Arcane
Joined
May 19, 2005
Messages
6,326
Only retarded belived lycanthropy was one of the powers.

No, they are all shitty ... if you want you can check the CS to see what is given, I got some power that give 20 fortify to something with a 20 damage to something else.
 

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